#LASSNIGBYME Competition Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam.
The Stedelijk Museum of Amsterdam challenged me to paint a self-portrait. Inspired by the Maria Lassnig exhibition I painted three self portraits, which are a representation of my personalities. Not combining these three women into one painting, but keeping them separated for maximum strength. Giving these three personalities individual paintings is a way to respect them, taking care of them and accept their presence. This mindset gives me freedom to development and cherish my most driven, vulnerable and personal characters as a painter. U
“All Eyes On Me”, a series of self-portraits.
Self-portrait #1: “The painter”, 100 x 100 cm, acrylic, 2019.
Self-portrait #2: “Disbelieve”, 100 x 100 cm, mixed media, 2019.
Self-portrait #3: “The Jury”, 100 x 100 cm, mixed media, 2019.
EYES:
The more I focus on painting, the more my visual power increases. Words make room for images. My tongue loses its speech and I feel unable to speak. The process of visualizing my thoughts begins. It’s all about the eyes. I see my vision on the canvas and paint my thoughts. I communicate via colors.
During my entire life I have problems sleeping. I don’t like the dark or closing my eyes. I feel locked up when I close them, energy trapped inside my body. Seeing my vision on the canvas and being able to paint means the world to me. It’s what I need to do to make contact with the outside world and myself. I painted my eyes because it’s about seeing, about self-reflection, flowing energy and vision.
Self portrait #1: THE PAINTER.
100 x 100 cm (acrylic, 2019).
I believe that I can become the person of my ambition. I'm strong and confident. Creating with energy and painting my vision.
Self portrait #2: “DISBELIEVE”.
100 x 100 cm (acrylic, 2019)
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Sometimes I feel the colors disappearing and my vision gets attacked. What am I aiming for? And why? The clear vision I have 95% of time is being pushed into the background. I’m losing color and it feels like I’m fading. Being an artist is about pushing personal and creative boundaries for extraordinary new worlds. Exploring these new areas is unsure and sometimes I’m wondering if I’m doing the right thing. Luckily these moments don’t last very long and my doubts make room for strenght and a clear vision again.
Self portrait #3: “THE JURY"
100 x 100 cm (acrylic, 2019)
This painting feels so like me! Looking at the world with 100 eyes at the same time, keeping myself sharp. Often I feel like this, having multiple eyes looking at my work and who I am. “THE JURY” is a collection of eyes that encourage me, criticize me, ask questions and demand the best of me. I love the feeling to be able to switch positions and look at something from different angles. I feel strong having “everybody” on board.